Super Happy Fun Orientation

The teens have returned to our library. They are like a pack of locusts, sweeping in, causing chaos and then flittering away as quickly as they came. For now our library property is protected by the nice weather; they stay outside to guzzle their Mountain Dew but as soon as it gets nippy they'll take the party inside.

Right now we are going through Library Orientation to teach the new students the library rules and refresh the regulars on what they're supposed to be doing. To get a teenager to come to anything that has the word "orientation" in it you have to resort to the time honored tradition of bribery. Perhaps we should have named our orientation the "Super Happy Fun Time" but then the teens might think we were hosting a Japanese game show in our auditorium and be gravely disappointed.

To bribe the teens we tell them "we promise it will be VERY short" and say "there will be treats." This convinces most of them. To get the rest in we refuse to let them get a guest card to access the Internet.

In the orientation we speed through at an auctioneer's pace the rules of the library accompanied by PowerPoint. We stress that the library is a public place and we want to have them there but not causing havoc. Most of them respond well but when I finished with one group and paused to have them ask questions they stared at me expectantly and asked: "So where's the candy?" Oh well, I tried.

Scaring Little Children

While many of the children think our library's pet tarantula Charlotte is the "awesomest" most are firmly convinced that if you are bitten you will die in agony frothing at the mouth and if I released her she would go on a bloody rampage in the library cruelly biting everyone with her razor sharp fangs.

I have to admit, I have done little to allay these superstitions. Kids are so much fun when they're scared.

When a child peers over to look at the tarantula I might tell them the story of how she escaped around a group of children. Or if I really wanted to scare them I might say how she bit me (and I'll leave out how I had gloves on.) The parents will stand on smiling by (because parents enjoy picking at their kids too), but the kids eyes will open wider and wider. They'll gasp, "She bit you!" They are in shock that I'm not underneath the ground. I'll nod sagely like a war torn veteran and tell them "never to pick up a tarantula."

Now after all the school visits with Charlotte and her proudly on display a whole community of kids will never approach a tarantula. But maybe I should have told the kids that Charlotte bit me when I was running and screaming through the library...

Dance like a Teapot

I went to a conference the past couple of days where I gave a few presentations. I try to make my presentations as interesting as possible but let's face it, if you've been to one work presentation you've been to them all. There's always the brief introduction with a poor attempt at humor. Perhaps you'll make fun of yourself at your technological incapability's or jokingly comment on the locale. Then you'll begin your presentation. There's the requisite power point with its bulleted, simplistic slogans with things like "The Five R's" or a quote by some authority in the field. Then you'll sum it up with an inspiring message that "yes you too can do this!"

I think we need to have library presentations like we do storytime. We first stand all the adults up and let them shake their wiggles out. This will get everyone's attention. Then we'll get to the meat of the program but instead of power point we'll do it in rhyme with colorful images like a picture book. After that we'll sing a song. For my topic on teen programs we could sing (to the tune of I'm a Little Teapot) "Make your teen programs short and fun/ Videogames for everyone/ If they are rowdy don't you shout/ "Pack your bags and get on out!" In conclusion to the storytime/presentation we could all do a craft. I would love to see all the middle aged women fingerpaint with shaving foam. Yes, everyone would love to come to my presentations if I threw out the power point and had them dancing like teapots.

Free Puppies to Every Child!

Our library is part library, part day care center. People come at ten when we open, leave their kids in the corner and do whatever they want for five or six hours letting their kids roam about freely. Some even drop their kids off and leave the premises. We are not the only library suffering from this problem; it happens everywhere. While the library is a welcoming place for the community, destructive toddlers and children screaming and tearing up the place does not make it a haven for the rest of the community.

One time a father left his 18 month year old alone in the children's section while he sat on the opposite end of the library at the computers. The toddler did what toddlers do, cause havoc. She promptly pulled as many books off the shelves as she could get her chubby fingers on. Today there was a pair of seven or eight year old boys ignored for SEVEN hours by their caregivers and left to make as much noise as they could.

I have come up with a solution. I made a sign today. It read: "Parents please watch your children. Unattended children will be given free puppies and coffee." Of course I'm flexible. I'd be happy to give them Mountain Dew instead. Perhaps I'll throw in a few Super Soakers they can take home. Maybe some of them would like kittens instead. I think it's only fair that the home of these children should be as quiet and peaceful a place as our library is.

Working for Vacation

I've been on vacation for the past week and a half. Although it has not been difficult vacationing, it was difficult getting to the vacation part.

Taking time out for vacation, at least in the library field, is a process one must start months ahead of time. Our county wishes us to start a year ahead. They pass around a calendar at the beginning of the year and request us to mark all of our vacation days for the entire year. Who knows in January if they are going to be taking off in October? Not me.

Then once the dates are set one must get all the work done for those weeks ahead of time. All ordering, projects, programs etc must be taken care of. This can require extra hours to take hours off.

Then when one returns they are faced with hundreds of e-mails, calls to return and projects to do. One time I left for five days at a previous place of employment. My supervisor, let's call her Black Lagoon Lady or BLL went crazy with the post-its and covered my desk in an intricate design of pink and yellow pieces of paper. Then BLL made stacks of paper littering my desk, chair and on top of the keyboard awaiting me for my arrival. I could feel her evil grin as soon as I entered the room eight am Monday morning.

So for that stress-free week of vacation one might have to go through a stressful month in preparation and recovery. Hope you enjoyed those pina coladas.

Why Authors Really Write

I went to a conference today with several authors talking about what inspired them to get into writing. One mentioned having a mind bursting with creative and imaginative energy that needed to come forth. Another expressed a passion of writing since childhood that developed into a career. One writer said that he wrote to inspire young minds. At a previous conference I went to writers gave similar reasons as these. All these motivating factors are very uplifting and noble. However, they leave out one very important motivation: money.

I cannot believe for one second that all these authors write either out of the pure goodness of their hearts or simply because they have too much creativity. Everyone has to make money to survive and writing is a business like everything else. I believe the reason that they leave the monetary motivating factor out of their lofty speeches is that it sounds morally repugnant to say you write for money. People would look down on writers as greedy if they said they wrote for money. Writers that write for money are not artists but are given another name: journalists. But why does this have to be? Almost any other profession can say they work for money except writers. You don't see starving engineers romanticized like starving artists. We need to let our writers not be afraid to say they want to eat.

Go, Worm Go!

Our summer reading program, and the summer reading program of many libraries is all about bugs. For an activity this week I wanted to have a "worm day." We would have a worm craft, worm snack (chocolate pudding, oreo 'dirt' with gummi worms), and I wanted to attempt a worm race. My boss was a little worried how he would put "worms" on the purchase request slip that we turn into the county. He didn't need to worry because worms are 'dirt' cheap. You can get two dozen for three bucks.

So I bought the worms and after the large gaggle of children had eaten their chocolate 'dirt' I told them we were having a worm race. I didn't know how this was going to go, I didn't even know which was the front or the back of the worm. I made several concentric rings on a large sheet of paper and had the kids each pick a worm. I thought the kids would be squeamish about touching worms but they reached in and dug their hands into the big squishy pile. They each put their worms on the outer edge of the circle and then with as much fanfare as a worm race could have I said "Go!" The worms, not realizing this was a race, squiggled and some tried to race off the table. But a few valiant ones made their way to the center. Soon it was a neck in neck race between two pink worms. Who would win? The kids were wide-eyed in anticipation. Finally we had a winner and the kid with the worm held it aloft like an Olympic torch. Who knew that worm racing could be fun?

Talking, Dancing, Clothed Animals

I am going through all my picture books one by one and I have noticed that roughly one half or more has either a talking animal or an animal dressed up in human clothes. There are every type of creatures imaginable in these books from aphids (Anna Aphid by Christine Goppel) to wombats (Diary of a Wombat by Jackie French). To tell the truth I'm not exactly sure what a wombat is and I don't think a five year old would know.

My coworker and I were talking as I was weeding through these books one by one. I mentioned how adults how ascribe emotions to animals. They think their pet hamster feels sad when they go or their bunny feels such complex emotions as jealously. Not only do adults think their pets feel this way but they dress up their pets in costumes. Does this have something to do with the massive amounts of picture books with talking, dancing, clothed animals? From day one children are taught in books that animals talk, feel, and have families and lives just like they do. Does this belief continue in some way into adulthood?