Super Happy Fun Orientation

The teens have returned to our library. They are like a pack of locusts, sweeping in, causing chaos and then flittering away as quickly as they came. For now our library property is protected by the nice weather; they stay outside to guzzle their Mountain Dew but as soon as it gets nippy they'll take the party inside.

Right now we are going through Library Orientation to teach the new students the library rules and refresh the regulars on what they're supposed to be doing. To get a teenager to come to anything that has the word "orientation" in it you have to resort to the time honored tradition of bribery. Perhaps we should have named our orientation the "Super Happy Fun Time" but then the teens might think we were hosting a Japanese game show in our auditorium and be gravely disappointed.

To bribe the teens we tell them "we promise it will be VERY short" and say "there will be treats." This convinces most of them. To get the rest in we refuse to let them get a guest card to access the Internet.

In the orientation we speed through at an auctioneer's pace the rules of the library accompanied by PowerPoint. We stress that the library is a public place and we want to have them there but not causing havoc. Most of them respond well but when I finished with one group and paused to have them ask questions they stared at me expectantly and asked: "So where's the candy?" Oh well, I tried.

Scaring Little Children

While many of the children think our library's pet tarantula Charlotte is the "awesomest" most are firmly convinced that if you are bitten you will die in agony frothing at the mouth and if I released her she would go on a bloody rampage in the library cruelly biting everyone with her razor sharp fangs.

I have to admit, I have done little to allay these superstitions. Kids are so much fun when they're scared.

When a child peers over to look at the tarantula I might tell them the story of how she escaped around a group of children. Or if I really wanted to scare them I might say how she bit me (and I'll leave out how I had gloves on.) The parents will stand on smiling by (because parents enjoy picking at their kids too), but the kids eyes will open wider and wider. They'll gasp, "She bit you!" They are in shock that I'm not underneath the ground. I'll nod sagely like a war torn veteran and tell them "never to pick up a tarantula."

Now after all the school visits with Charlotte and her proudly on display a whole community of kids will never approach a tarantula. But maybe I should have told the kids that Charlotte bit me when I was running and screaming through the library...

Dance like a Teapot

I went to a conference the past couple of days where I gave a few presentations. I try to make my presentations as interesting as possible but let's face it, if you've been to one work presentation you've been to them all. There's always the brief introduction with a poor attempt at humor. Perhaps you'll make fun of yourself at your technological incapability's or jokingly comment on the locale. Then you'll begin your presentation. There's the requisite power point with its bulleted, simplistic slogans with things like "The Five R's" or a quote by some authority in the field. Then you'll sum it up with an inspiring message that "yes you too can do this!"

I think we need to have library presentations like we do storytime. We first stand all the adults up and let them shake their wiggles out. This will get everyone's attention. Then we'll get to the meat of the program but instead of power point we'll do it in rhyme with colorful images like a picture book. After that we'll sing a song. For my topic on teen programs we could sing (to the tune of I'm a Little Teapot) "Make your teen programs short and fun/ Videogames for everyone/ If they are rowdy don't you shout/ "Pack your bags and get on out!" In conclusion to the storytime/presentation we could all do a craft. I would love to see all the middle aged women fingerpaint with shaving foam. Yes, everyone would love to come to my presentations if I threw out the power point and had them dancing like teapots.

Free Puppies to Every Child!

Our library is part library, part day care center. People come at ten when we open, leave their kids in the corner and do whatever they want for five or six hours letting their kids roam about freely. Some even drop their kids off and leave the premises. We are not the only library suffering from this problem; it happens everywhere. While the library is a welcoming place for the community, destructive toddlers and children screaming and tearing up the place does not make it a haven for the rest of the community.

One time a father left his 18 month year old alone in the children's section while he sat on the opposite end of the library at the computers. The toddler did what toddlers do, cause havoc. She promptly pulled as many books off the shelves as she could get her chubby fingers on. Today there was a pair of seven or eight year old boys ignored for SEVEN hours by their caregivers and left to make as much noise as they could.

I have come up with a solution. I made a sign today. It read: "Parents please watch your children. Unattended children will be given free puppies and coffee." Of course I'm flexible. I'd be happy to give them Mountain Dew instead. Perhaps I'll throw in a few Super Soakers they can take home. Maybe some of them would like kittens instead. I think it's only fair that the home of these children should be as quiet and peaceful a place as our library is.